And it came to pass, when Avigdor came down from mount Sinai with the two tables of testimony in Avigdor’s hand.
And when Bibi and all the children of Israel saw Avigdor, behold, the skin of his face shone; and they were afraid to come nigh him. For he remindeth them of the dangerous breed of thugs which makes one passeth to the other side of the street.
And Avigdor called unto them; and Bibi and all the rulers of the right-wing coalition returned unto him: and Avigdor talked with them. Slowly and quietly and in the intimidating fashion he knoweth best.
And afterward, all the children of Israel came nigh: and he gave them in commandment all that the LORD (Putin) had spoken with him in mount Sinai.
And Avigdor gathered all the congregation of the children of Israel together, and said unto them, These are the words which the LORD hath commanded, that ye should do them. Or else I shall smite you. You heardeth it here first.
- Whoever shall denieth the existence of the State of Israel as a Jewish and democratic country – he shall be imprisoned for 365 moons. I am currently in negotiations with the LORD to maketh it possible to extendeth this punishment. Keepeth thy fingers crossed.
- The state shall giveth academic scholarships to brave warriors of the holy army who served only in holy combat units. The others can go fornicate themselves.
- Jerusalem shall be the capital of the Jewish people alone – those who liveth there and who are not of the Judeo faith are free to flyeth on a one-way ticket to Armegadon. I do not recommend flying with the airline the gentiles call “United”. Apparently they tend to disregard luggage and breaketh musical instruments.
- Any citizen who unwisely decideth to commit an act which violates loyalty to the State of Israel – shall no longer be a citizen. This includes left-wing demonstrations, reading or writing left-wing articles, and basically just looking to your left. One may only lean towards the left on Seder night – and even then I’ll be watching.
- Thou shall not celebrate the Nakba. There is no Nakba, there never was a Nakba, and never will be. I don’t even know how to spelleth Nakba. But if you decideth to celebrate this so called “Nakba”, thou shall loseth all state funding for your groups and organizations.
- Thou shall declare loyalty to the State of Israel. Those who decideth to refrain from this act will not be citizens. I strongly recommend to do this one, folks.
- Thou shall putteth up signs in one language and one language only – Hebrew. And if one must writeth the signs in English or Arabic, they shall soundeth like the Hebrew. Except for that sign on the Ayalon that says “Rakevet” – I mean, c’mon, who let that one get through?
- Thou shall not maketh movies or write books that I probably won’t liketh. Those who perpetuate such heinous crimes shall receiveth no funding from the right-wing coalition.
- Villages and towns shall haveth the right to deny residence to anyone for any reason. The LORD knoweth that unwanted figures may bringeth down the prices of thou prime real estate.
- Thou shall alloweth the entrance of the foreign worker to do thou dirty work, but thou shall soon thereafter deport him and his child, even if the child be borneth in the Holy land – for there cannot be holy children with slanted eyes amongst us.
In honour of Passover and the 18th Knesset being labelled last week the “most racist Knesset in history“. Keep it up guys!