Izzie in HolyLand – Part 8

Izzie: Hi Demush! How are ya?

Democracy: Good Izzie, good… how are you these days?

Izzie: Yeah, I’m good, I’m good…

Democracy: Listen, I called you in for a meeting to talk about this gag order everybody’s talking about.

Izzie: Which gag order?

Democracy: Which gag order?! Are you serious? THE gag order, Izzie!

Izzie: But there are two.

Democracy: Two?

Izzie: Yup.

Democracy: Besides the “security affair” gag?

Izzie: Oh, the “security affair” gag is so passé…

Democracy: Is that so…?

Izzie: Yup. The new one is a really good one. Really nice… you’ll love it. You’ll forget about the “security affair” in a second when you hear this one. Oh G-d, you GOTTA love the gag order…

Democracy: That’s the thing Izzie… You see, I don’t love it. Not one little bit. But wait a minute, what’s this new one?

Izzie: I can’t tell you. There’s, like, a gag, like, you know? Like, duh…

Democracy: Oh, come on… give me a hint.

Izzie: OK. Think Alberto Fujimori…

Democracy: Why?…

Izzie: Pinochet.

Democracy: Oh, gimme a break.

Izzie: (Starts singing) I’m a man on the run… Man on the run…

Democracy: Actually, that’s “Band on the Run”, but whatever. Come on Izzie, you can tell me. I’m Democracy.

Izzie: Oh, Democracy… you know I love you, but sometimes other things have to come first….

Democracy: That’s exactly where we disagree, Izzie. Nothing should come before me.

Izzie: Come on, it builds suspense! It’s great for the story, fantastic for the newspapers!

Democracy: No, Izzie – it’s terrible for the newspapers! It’s terrible for the media! It’s like Israel has turned into North Korea or something. The public has the right to know!

Izzie: Public shmublik, did you see page 9 in Yedioth yesterday? Wasn’t that great?

Democracy: Well, it was great – but not that great. Kinda sad, actually…

Izzie: Come on! Who woulda thunk? Yedioth! Of all papers!

Democracy: Well, I wouldn’t be so proud, Izzie.

Izzie: Oh yeah? Why’s that?

Democracy: Well, first of all , if Judith (“I scream, you scream, we all scream WMD”) Miller is your democracy’s life jacket – you better watch out for that big iceberg straight ahead.

Izzie: Oh, you’re such a party-pooper. She won a Pulitzer!

Democracy: Pulitzer shmulitzer. She’s on Fox now, for Christ’s sake. And second, the Israeli media – with Yedioth at the fore – seems to have forgotten the main issue, which is –

Izzie: – wait! Don’t tell me, I know this one: This is all the Palestinians fault!

Democracy: No, not exactly. Actually, the main issue is that the documents that were leaked show that Chief of Staff Gabi Ashkenazi totally disregarded the orders of the Israeli Supreme Court over targeted killings. In any normal country he would have been given the boot. Ages ago.

Izzie: Oh, Democracy, honestly… this is the Middle East! Where do you think you’re living?

Democracy: Well, I thought this was the only democracy in the Middle East…

Izzie: Oh come on, I only use that phrase when I’m desperate.

Democracy: Nope – you use it almost every day.

Izzie: Like I said – when I’m desperate.

Democracy: Whatever Izzie.

Izzie: Listen, I came down for a nice chat, I thought you were going to give me a pat on the back for being a democracy – I mean, after all – we DO vote every other year!

Democracy: I wouldn’t brag about that either, Izzie.

Izzie: That’s it – I’m outta here.

Democracy: Wait! Before you go… who’s the star of the second gag order?

Izzie: Oh my G-d, this is such a good one. I could tell you, Demush – but I’d have to kill you…

Democracy: Well actually, the way you’ve been acting lately, Izzie – you may already have.


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